All of Me

Jesus wants all of me.  He reminds me when I'm settling down at the end of the day that he wants all of me.  This is a little hurtful, because it reminds me of the times during the day when I didn't invite him in to what I'm doing, but I don't let it turn into despair, because I know that Jesus wants to be with me, and he'll do whatever it takes to make that a reality.

The morning routine is working out better than I could have imagined.  It's the rest of the day I want to go after, one mindful moment at a time.

It's the Heart that Matters

"We need neither art nor science for going to God. All we need is a heart resolutely determined to apply itself to nothing but Him, for His sake, and to love Him only." -- Brother Lawrence

I'm not bashing art, and I'm not denigrating science.  Both are valuable.  However, both are valuable only insofar as they lead us to (or are inspired by) the truth that rests in God alone.  

Brother Lawrence is wrecking me.  Totally and completely.  I'm a wreck.  He inspires me, and yet he sets the bar so high I can barely see it.  I wonder openly if he could do what he did because he had no cable tv or internet access or ... anything ... but then I realize that every generation has had their distractions, and he just decided not to be distracted.

That's why the heart matters so much, and the externals don't matter at all.  That's why I've been watching my heart attitudes these last few days, since Laura sent us on the experiment of "practicing the presence of God."  I've not had as much trouble going through the morning routine.  That has usually involved prayer and contemplation.  It's the rest of the day I need to grow more intentional about grabbing.

The one thing that strikes me is that though I've been spending my morning routine talking to God, I haven't spent many mornings talking with God.  I want to hear His words over me and hear His song over me and feel Him with my emotions.  I want to sense His presence.  That's where I am.

Aargh!

So I got up this morning (even asked Jesus if he'd get up with me), went downstairs to check e-mail and Facebook, and got involved in a comment thread of mine where one of my European friends is assaulting Christianity (again).  Without even thinking, I responded in fine intellectual fashion... then I went into the shower, where I was reminded, "You can bring me in on that, too."

Jesus had something to say to that friend of mine, and I instead clouded things up with my own thoughts.

Aargh!!

On the plus side, I'm learning to tune my heart to hear what Jesus is saying in this hour of human history.  I am learning to depend on him more and more, and it's shaking me, but it's making me into the man of God he wants me to be.  Thankfully, the homework assignment is over, and I can go back to living my life as I was.  Right, Laura?  :)

Microwave Christianity Sucks

Reading Practicing His Presence is deceiving.  What we read, in just a few pages, are the results of a journey that took Frank Laubach years to accomplish.  He did indeed draw closer to Jesus, inviting Him into more and more of his life.  But the process took months upon months to accomplish.

Relationships take time.

I am encouraged by that and at the same time frustrated.  I want to be so much closer to my Jesus, Who means so much to me.  It's just going to take time.  I'm trying to recognize Him more.  When I play with my children, I want to know He's there.  When I'm reading, I want to read with Him.  And I definitely want to hear more of what He says to me and about me.  But it's going to take time, more time than my morning routine will allow.

Oh, and Laura, I still can go through parts of my morning routine completely unaware of my Savior with me... sheesh...

He's After Me

If God wants anything out of me, it's that I give up my selfishness.

As I was walking through my morning routine, talking through with God some feelings I've been having lately -- questioning my life and some of the things He is doing -- He made it clear that He's after my selfishness.  If I am to be the kind of lover of people He wants me to be, I'm going to have to ditch my selfishness and pride.

The end result will be (hopefully): I will be a better lover, both of God and of people.

Still at it

So, it's Day Four of the Practicing His Presence Experiment, and I'm thoroughly convinced of one thing.

I really do too much without Jesus to be considered an excellent disciple.

Now, to review, Laura's assignment was to go through your morning routine experiencing the presence of God, recognizing that God is everywhere and has something to say to you throughout even the mundane tasks of your day.  I thought this would be great, since the bathroom is one of the holiest places in my house -- if you think about it, it's the only place I can get alone and talk with Jesus.  This has proven to be difficult.  It's not that I don't go through my morning routine thinking about Jesus; I do.  And it's not that I go through my morning routine not talking with the Creator of the universe; I do.

It's that the practice seems to end there.  I want the practice to carry over into the rest of my day.  Little by little, it is.  Little by little, I am working to recognize that Jesus promises to be with us always and everywhere.  In small chunks, I am claiming the promises of God over my life during my day.  But I want to be with Him more.

I've learned how to live my life without Him, and now I have to re-learn how to live if I want to live in the fullness of what He offers me.

The Beginning

This past Sunday night, at the Zion Fellowship Training School, the challenge was placed before us:  Go through your morning routine, a time when your mind isn't working particularly hard, with a recognition that Jesus is with you.  This should not be hard... my mind isn't working very hard in the mornings.  But it is.

The truth of the matter is that I've gotten used to doing things without Jesus.  I turn to him when I'm in crisis, or when I hurt, or when I need a bit of guidance.  But mostly, I just do what I've always done, and I let the busy-ness of my life put him to the periphery.  This is not the way it's supposed to be, and the challenge has brought to my mind the following thoughts.

If Jesus's promise is true, and he never leaves us or forsakes us, then wherever I go, and whatever I do, he is with me, and his presence is available to me for my good.

Yikes.

That means that while I'm brushing my teeth in the morning, Jesus has something to say to me.  While I'm making lunch in the morning, he's looking to see if I'm paying attention to him.  When I'm at work and a student asks a question, I can look to him for what HE would say to my student.  When my kids ask me for the 5746th time to blah blah blah, Jesus has a response for me to give to them, and it's probably not, "Leave me alone; I'm busy." 

Jesus wants to be involved in every facet of my life.  He hung on a cross not just to be my savior, but to be my lord.  I am trying on a daily basis to recognize that reality.

Today, I did okay practicing his presence; I actually am off to a good start, and he helped me work through some wrong feelings I had this morning.  But I've got a long way to go, and he'll help me with every thing I commit to him.